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30 Mai 2005

Man, that Shoofly Pie really works!

OK. So clearly all that press that Seattle Storm forward Lauren Jackson (#15) was out of shape from being in rehab in the off-season has worked: Nothing like a little "you're fat" newspaper stories to piss a girl off. Or maybe it was the apparent lack of 'mojo' that this newly-grouped champion team has. But today's Most Interesting Highlight is that, ladies and gents, after their season opener, erm, Most Embarassing Loser-Slacker Basketball Game EVER, the Seattle Storm have done nothing short of of mop up their opponents--they're Baaaaack! It's a joy to watch (or listen, as the case may be during broadcasts via the internet) unfold.

There are currently two overarching theories surrounding this turnaround. One camp claims that the Most Loser Game Ever was actually a pool-hall-shark type hustle move on the part of Coach Anne Donovan, creating the illustion of 'oh poor us, we lost several players to free agency, sigh, we'll never be the same again, we suck so bad....', as a way to catch opponents totally off guard. Sacraficing one game for the sake of cleanning up on others, if you will. The other school purports that due to three home games in a row, the team has been able to practice more consistently while also feeding off the energies of The Most Obnoxius Crowd in the WNBA, the loyal fans at Key Arena.

Neither theory, however, examines internal factors which may influence players' sudden burst of booty kicking on court. This entry today will suggest that while trickery and crowd love are in fact helpful to team success, new reports of Herr Brown's Award-Winning Pies (Lisaopolis, 2005; see 29 May entry for description) accidentally left in the locker room mark the introduction of the Shoefly Pie Theory (herein SPT), which strongly suggests a direct link between pie consumption and Storm wins. Data in the form of the following mini photo essay (Ginapalooza, 2005), will propose the SPT as a third theory spearheading future research into coach, player and team success.

Exhibit 1: (To be read from right to left) Before halftime:
#22 Betty Lennox: "ok, so the slice I had was THIS big!"
#15 Lauren Jackson: "Good onya, mate, I knew you'd like that wet-bottom pie over that Dairy Queen Blizzard you were gonna order"
#10 Sue Bird: "heheh, she said 'wet bottom'!"
Bench players Simone Edwards and Chelle Thompson: "Hehehe...looks like they didn't even notice we put actual flies in the pie. And you all think we're just benchies..."

Image hosted by Photobucket.comPhoto: Katrina Vannoy, Sports Page Magazine

Exhibit #2: Accelerated effects of one slice snuck in during the halftime locker room pep talk:
L.J.: "Woooooooo!!! I'm flying! Give me more molasses!"
Bird: "Yeeeeaaahhhhhaaaaa, she's f--in' BACK!"
Image hosted by Photobucket.comPhoto: Dean Rutz, The Seattle Times

To date, this new third theory can only support team performance at Home Games. Furthermore, more explication is needed to substantiate how the pies got into the ladies' locker room in the first place. Regardless, it is fortunate the the Storm's upcoming lengthy Road Game junket will provide opportunities for further observation and empirical data collection. All Washington Mystics fans and players are herewith cautioned that there might be one or more Most Interesting Heckling Storm Supporter/s in their house at the June 10th matchup in D.C.

Your comments on research design, methods and analysis are welcome via the provided 'comment' feature to this entry.


At 30 Mai, 2005 18:10, Blogger Gina Grace said...

Dang, those two bench players look like they're waiting to see the initial effects of the ludes they put in the stars' water bottles. Like they want to take over the team and lay some smack down or something... I'd be suspicious if I were Lauren.

At 30 Mai, 2005 20:26, Blogger Lisaopolis said...

Very clever! Let's start a new rumor!


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