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Pennsylvania's Most Interesting Blog

30 September 2005

Tie me up, tie me down

This morning I didn't teach, so I could work at home and also take some time to do errands. There come times each year when a girl needs to take a special shopping trip to update one specific category of her wardrobe and/or beatuy products itinerary at a time, due to things running out or wearing out, or what have you.

Today's shopping outing was for the sole purpose of acquiring some sport essentials: a new swim suit (since my old sport one is crapped out from cholorine and my ass is starting to show through; not good, but you totally know what I mean, it's a kind of 'suit rot'), one or more sports bras, and perhaps a non-cotton t-shirt or two for layering for walking now that it's getting a tad chillier outside.

OK. So I hit a local sports store, and first peruse the scene for sportsbras. Sportbras are an absolute essential for the lady doing excercise, and when they wear out, you just have to do yourself the favor and bite the cost bullet and get a new, good one. However, I was reminded today that just by trying them on, they prove to be pesky little devils...

Hence, my Most Interesting tip today is, girls, if you're trying on sports bras, specifically one withOUT a front zip or back clasps, do NOT try one on you think might even remotely be too small. You'll get it on, admire yourself in the mirror and realize that one might be a bit snug after all, so you go to take it off.

And then the fun begins.

Recall that these things are made of materials that are like oodles of rubber bands under high pressure, with loads of tension to hold it all in. Don't worry, they are actually very comfortable but, for the uninformed reader, designed so that, well, nothing moves while you groove. IMAGINE having one on that is a bit too small, and when you go to wiggle out of it (because you had to wiggle into in first), you realize that you are now in 'Sports Bra Vice Grip Position One', from which there is no simple espcape.

Being in that position is like having your head in a giant 'noogie' or 'headlock' and it' only after some serious arm maneuvering that you can move on to 'Sports Bra Vice Grip Position Two', a.k.a. My Arm Is In The Wrong Hole But I Can At Least Move.

Now now, if you must, picture me in the dressing room, trying to get all contortionist on myself and/or think seriously about buzzing the guy who unlocked the dressing room so he could help me out of [literally] my bind(ing).

As it turned out, I was able to maintain the patience and calm (the first sign of initial panic onset) needed to get to 'Sports Bra Freedom' so did not need to take drastic measures involving innocent people.

Thus, I reiterate: use caution when trying on onesies sports bras, and plan to get an arm/upper body mild workout taking off the snug ones. I have it on good authority that fitting on wetsuits can be a similarly trying experience. The only personal input I have on wetsuits is that it's not fun being the only one who gets the PINK wetsuit in the group when everyone else gets black ones for your rafting trip on the Mur River in Styria.

Whew. So thank goodness I made it out of the store alive. Bring on NBC's Friday night lineup because I have had my drama for the day. While I spent entirely more time than I thought looking at, trying on, and comparing price on items I wanted to purchase while on my shopping junket, I am now satisfied to report that I'm off for my daily walk in my new brasiere and one of my 'moisture control' wicking fabric t-shirts (since all my wicking items to date are long-sleeved). For the record, the store had the exact swim suit in the exact color and size I was looking for so that item conveniently only took about 2.5 seconds to pick out.

Oh, and 'moisture control' is just a phrase which should be permanently banned from the lexicon. Don't you think?

Lastly, it's somewhat amusing to me that what is actually a garment comprised of pretty much just POLYESTER with some spandex tossed in is labelled as something like "miracle-moisture-wick-duo-dry clothing-SYSTEM". Dayum, not just a fabric, a SYSTEM! My favorite item I saw walking by the mens' section was 'Under Armour [a brand name] FOR FOOTBALL". Because you know that "Under Armour FOR WALKING" material doesn't come from the exact same bin and/or sweatshop. Noo.

I'm off so I get a walk in AND make a meeting this afternoon. Unstoppable!